Blindness

Don't feel much like writing.

But still, I feel a strong impulse to say/write this. There's so much to talk about this movie... but above all, it's this awareness of sight. It might not last long... it might not make you appreciate this "gift." But it's such a neat, silently neat, awareness of your sight, that there's no need to say more about it. About the movie, I mean.

Es que quiero saber...

Singing Arely... con su sonido. Everything works out slowly... Everything is just fine...

Almost killed by a bicycle. Not mine. This morning I forgot an important thing. Still, reading. Or at least trying. Work is foggy these days.

Need to focus more. There're only few possible outcomes. Either this or that. In any case, it should be natural. What am I talking about?

Hm. I actually wonder...

By the way, today, it was the wrong choice of cookies.


* * *

Sin importar lo que vendrá.

Encore une fois

Las oportunidades llegan en forma de departamento.

¡Ya tengo departamento!

Listo a partir del 1 de noviembre. Voy a ir investigando la dirección: se aceptan cartas, postales, cajitas, y cualquier otro tipo de felicidad por correo.

Arely va a aprender a caminar. O al menos va a intentarlo. Como dije antes: ya aprendi a andar en bicicleta, ya todo lo puedo.

Something good, after all

If the cell phone company tells you you can't waive the early termination fee, send the paperwork nonetheless. Most likely they'll cancel it for you.

Thought I could write something less blue-ish

Ayer tomé una decisión. Era una decisión por demás importante. Quizá acaso porque que implicaba un esfuerzo muy grande de mi parte. Pues no se concretó. No lo encontré. Así que lo tomo como una razón para tomar otra decisión:
- olvidar la primera decisión.
- ejecutar la primera decisión.
Claro está que el seleccionar la segunda opción implica un esfuerzo mayor que el requerido inicialmente.

Por cierto, todo pinta para que EN SERIO no vaya a casa este diciembre. Eso si que es azul.
Perhap I should rename the post as "salty bread" or "purple dimensions." In any case, the weekend is here, what else could I do?

This attempt was a a complete failure.

Cuando volví de comprar los ravioles, me deprimí

- sos vos?
- y vos, sos vos?

- Yo trataba de levantarle el animo, pero el mío, estaba en el piso.

- Estoy cansado de que me digan que soy una porqueria, de que me mientan, de que me hagan poner triste.

[Valentín]

Lo noto

Arely bien podría haber descubierto una nueva forma de tocar fondo. Todo se da del mismo modo.

Geneva

I went to Geneva downtown, spent "some" time reading Mafalda's comic strips in the bookstore I found last week. I went through all the books in Spanish, and after realizing choosing one book wasn't easy, I took a Salomonic decision: I'll buy them in alphabetical order. Benedetti. That's today's author. I walked along the rivershore. It was cold. It is cold. I read only a couple of lines. I thought I wasn't getting enough motivation from a French translation. But clearly that can't be the case here. And not with Benedetti. I liked La Tregua. I loved Primavera con la Esquina Rota. Anyway. I kept walking. There was some public exposition. Pictures. About poverty and wealth, seen through the lens of a child's cammera. I think that's what it was. I liked a couple of lines. I doubted the "childish" nature of some others. I spent 100 dlls today. Like that. Not sure when this happened. My careless behavior, I mean. I like Mafalda. I like Quino.

Insomnia... again

There're times when I have dreams about work. I wake up slowly, think about the problem and gently reach a solution.

There're times when I have nightmares about work. I wake up slowly, think about the problem and not quite gently realized I'm thinking nonsense.

Today it was the second. Dreaming about the tag collector is ridiculous. Dreaming about Physics Monitoring related to some kind of new clusterization is even worse. Now I can't sleep again, so I thought I could go to work early... but there must be a limit, it's 3:39am!

I know the limit: it's naturally set by the amount of natural light.. and the fact that I'm afraid of the dark

It's not very complicated,

I'm just young and overrated.

Oh God! One week and they haven't realized I'm lost... or am I?

* * *

By the way, my second stupid thing was not completed, 'cause someone made me see how stupid it was (there's a limit, even for stupid things.) But, it was nonetheless closed by an external factor. So, I won.

I believe that, the fact that I have this "right" is mainly due to the fact that I avoided doing stupid things before. Or so I was told.

Nothing

I don't think I know what life, love or death mean... So, I guess that means I can't live, love... or die.

Hm, I'm right before there. Again. Forced silence.

Should I say it louder? Should I say nothing?

At least, I should stop behaving like a stupid little girl. I urgently need to grow up. But nothing seems to change. No one seems to care. Nothing seems to matter.

[sigh]

Pardon, j'ai ecrit a un amie qui tout de suite m'a oublié

Pom pom pom boro pom pom pom
Everything I touched was golden, everything I loved was broken.

This is love calling earth, do you know how much it hurts?

I saw one transmission on the television saying I can't do my job,
well, I'll just keep dancing, forgive 'cause I'm handsome, and the beat will never stop.

And love is getting too cynical, passion's just physical these days.
If you can't wake up in the morning, 'cause your bed lies vacant at night.
If you're lost, hurt, tired or lonely, can't control it, try as you might.
May you find that love that won't leave you, may you find it by the end of the day
You won't be lost, hurt, tired or lonely, something beautiful will come your way

And you know and you know, 'cause my life's a mess.
And I'm trying to grow so before I'm old I'll confess.
You think that I'm strong, you're wrong, you're wrong

Take me to the place where the sunshine flows,
Oh my sunset rodeo!
Mother, things are gonna change! I'm moving to L.A.

Singing for the lonely, you're not the only one who feels this.
I don't wake up early every morning, 'cause the more I sleep, the less I have to say.

Every move you make is poetry, they all fake what you do naturally .
If not for you, I wouldn't come at all

Hello, did you miss me? I know I'm hard to resist.
Give in and love it, what's the point in hating me?
You can't argue with popularity...Well, you could, but you'd be wrong

[RW]

* * *

Oh! I didn't know how much I missed RW!

Death and taxes

Arely has decided she has the natural and unavoidable right to do 3 stupid things.

The first one only brought her unhappiness, and a sad conclusion (not necessarily correct, though.)
The second one, well... not finished yet.

What should her third one be?

Suggestions are welcome! Or are they?

Uninteresting statistics:
Received emails in one day: 66
Sent emails in one day:12

OK.. The number of received emails seems quite normal. To be honest, the number of sent emails looks rather low... and I'm not kidding...

I should check these number more frequently, so I can show some unbiased averages. Not really.

Insomnia

Still with insomnia. The warm milk trick didn't work this time. Obviously, nothing productive can be accomplished in this insomnia time. It took me 3 trials before getting to access my gmail account. I'm not even sure how safe it is to write under these conditions (why am I writing in English, to start with?)

I had a ridiculously long meeting today. Even more, I had a ridiculously long day. I spent more than a few hours fixing one "bug" on someone else's code, which was causing the whole Muon Monitoring system to crash.

To be honest, I don't mind taking extra responsibilities, AND I like fixing bugs.. it's rather exciting.. I don't even mind spending some hours on it.. except, well except when the "bug" is the simplest thing on earth, then all the excitement becomes frustration for not being able to see the problem before, and my self esteem goes down quite badly. Today, it was not so bad, even though the solution was simple, it was by no means my fault, and I still got to solve it in time, I hope. Besides, at least I'm proving myself to be capable of assuming certain responsibilities. Or so I like to believe.

Still, my ego is slightly harmed, because all my initial explanations and fixes were correct, but not sufficient to solve the (memory usage) problem. In the end, it took someone else to point out that possibly the finely binned histograms were taking up too much memory. And so it was. Still, it was me making the changes, testing the version, submitting a tag, and getting this tag collected for the latest release to be used at Tier 0. By the way, this last line should give you and idea on how "subtle" things are when it comes to software development in ATLAS.

According to him, 6 years later, and you're still having trouble with it. According to him. By the way, I was told he speaks nicely, but... What is that suppose to mean? Hm. OK. The office is right there, I can go and ask questions.... "so, how can I modify the master slide in Power Point?" that sounds like a good question... or does it?

I comes to my attention that it's raining right now. It was not raining at 10 PM when I came back from CERN (by no means I was done with the work... but decided I could go home and continue there... or here, I should say here.)

OK. I'm officially writing nonsense. I should stop.

QA

People usually need answers. I usually need answers... Right now, what I need, what I truly need, and want, is questions.

Someone might want to call them excuses.

Whatever.

Almost happiness again... but, certainly better than nothing.

5-10 min

5-10 min is all it takes to create an eternity.

Arely, walking in the clouds...
Arely, living an eternity...

5 centimeters per second (revisited)

I think I know what I'm missing... who am I?

5 centimeters per second

Gracias a la (I should say bad) influencia de Emery, he visto "algunas" (no entremos en detalles estadísticos que bien podrían impactar de manera negativa al estimado lector) películas. Quizá deba añadir: en línea. No diré más.

Pues hoy vi "5 centímetros por segundo." El título de esta película (anime) hace alusión a la velocidad con la que caen los pétalos de Sakura.

Es una serie de mini historias (3) acerca de la distancia y los sentimientos. En realidad creo que es más en lo que te hace pensar, que lo que dice. Para mí, que me he separado tantas veces, me ha dicho mucho.

No quisiera decir esto. Pero, ¿no es acaso el olvido la más natual de nuestras acciones? Bien me parece que cualquier sentimiento, si deja de ser alimentado, muere en el olvido.. tan rápido.. tan frágil.. tan humano. Lo que pareciera ser eterno... no lo es, pues de pronto llega el olvido. Siempre llega el olvido.

Todos, creo, somo de algún modo olvido.

Y supongo que eso es lo más triste. Saber que el olvido es más fuerte. Irremediable. Previsible. Como una sombra por la noche... que se esconde en la oscuridad, y todo lo toma. Todo lo borra.. y la memoria.. bueno, la memoria es su cómplice.

* * *

... y de pronto el olvido.

* * *

I think Neruda got it wrong... unless I'm missing something

* * *

Es tan corto el amor, y tan largo el olvido.

[PN]

today, it was raining,

so I decided to walk. It's not like a heavy rain, and it doesn't take me more than 15 min to bike from the hostel to CERN. nonetheless, I walked. I noticed that my right shoe gets wet, while the left one doesn't. That's under investigation. There I was, crossing the border between Switzerland and France. And so, it stroke me. As it has a couple of time before. I am in Switzerland. Which is like in... Europe. Had I dreamed or thought of it before? How did everything happen so fast, so unexpectedly? At times, I feel like I've had no control over this.. that things happened without me making decision, or choosing anything. At times. I mean, I'm in Switzerland, which is like in... Europe.

Sweet dreams are made of this

I go blind. Not a sound. Too quiet. Too quick. He had the voice of an angel. He would only talk to me. After a while, I realize it's not gonna be so easy. No questions. No questions. You fool. You damned fool! I'm speeding. That's a good way to get yourself noticed. Not now. Not right now. He's just too dumb to know it. It hurts. An explosion that blast away the dark gray years between now and then. Like a kid torturing on a fly, when it already got its wings off.

You don't know him. He always finds his way. The bad times haven't even started yet. And everything seemed to be going so well. It tells you something about your state of mind, doesn't it? The fire. It'll burn us both. There's no place in this world for that kind of fire. You know it's true. On a night like this, everybody is looking for somebody. Nobody ever quits.

Silence now. No air to breath. Let it in. Let it fill your lungs. Stay smart. Stay cool.


Please. Let me stay close. Nothing can happen to me when I'm with you. Let me stay close. It's always been you. All these years. I'm not scared. It's over. I love you.

Always... and never.

* * *

All that jazz from 'Sin City', who would have thought of it? Es como el poema de [JS], cuando tienes ganas de llorar, puedes llorar hasta con la palabra escusado. Supongo que es lo mismo. Pero ligeramente opuesto. O diferente. Algo resplandeciente. Oscuro.